I see the dark shadows of yesterday crawling behind my back, giving me pain and agony that I can’t let go. I can still feel this shabby heart and lonely soul within me…. walking with me in the path of uncertainty.
it was good that I was busy these past few days, that I almost forgot the birthdays of two of the numerous people how made a mark in my heart. what’s ironic is that they had their birtday the same time they became part of my life, the one how’s bday was on the 20th was the 2nd to the last and the one with the bday on the 21st was the last man I liked or maybe somehow, loved.
funny that I still can’t find that guy who would make me laugh and cry at the same time again. who would make me feel special in every way and that one guy I will love for he rest of my life.
And even though I’m surrounded by people in-love (e.g. my brother and my sister and their “amigo especial”) I find it hard to fall in-love again. Honestly speaking I’m not really good when it comes to having relationships, I will slip and I end up hurting myself. I somehow envy my two siblings since they both have stable relationships unlike me who is alone and again… alone.
I maybe having these emotional ups and downs but then again I’m starting to get used to it, to my brother’s friends and how they want to get me to talk about my “best friend” (for them it’s their partner) , used to walking alone going home, used to not texting someone telling how much I love him and to always take care… and used to being single. I know that it will take sometime before I laugh, smile and cry for the same reason I did before, but it’s comforting to say that right now I choose not to help myself get hurt anymore to be free from my own tears and from the pain that only time could mend but would forever leave a scar in my pumper (heart).
