a little bit of the unexpected

I know that you love me because you trust and obey My Word. Therefore, I will deliver you in times of trouble. When you cry for help, I will answer. I will rescue you and esteem you. I will bless you with a long life and cause you to come through every trial victoriously. (P.S. God Loves You!)

woke up early today, saw a book and read some of the pages. I t somehow reminds me that I am not alone and completely NOT forsaken.

I already saw the results of my examinations and I’m not satisfied with it though I deserve it I just don’t feel contented. The feeling that I badly need to pass all my exams and make my family proud is giving me a pressure. another additional pressure is my application for the Adamson University chronicle to be (hopefully) a writer. geesshh I never had an experience writing in one but then I got the chance to be one of the few people to be interviewed by four known people at the university. When I sat in front of them I was actually laughing not because I find it funny, but because I was so nervous the only thing that I could do was giggle. Then one of them told me that it was ok, and I should finish giggling first before we start. There are many things they asked about me like “if you would be accepted as a writer for the adamson chronicle: can you handle pressure?, what would be your first article? and some other stuff. I couldn’t really remember some answers to their questions since I was so nervous (at the same time it was abnormally cold in the room). It was fun and I’m happy even if I don’t get accepted at least I tried. I really love surprise, unexpected events (except for pop quizzes), and unusual things (maybe that’s why I really love pooh, cause we look at life in the same view). Speaking of unexpected I think I saw someone unexpectedly last thursday or was I just still a little dreamy that time, even so my heart pound like never before. I would really like that time to be reality but then again, it would hurt me more.

hahahaha my plans for the weekend are so messed, up I have two choices for a day and the bad thing is they are both important to me. Now I have to choose between my family and my faith and well-being. my best buddy and a game we are required to watch. watch Simpsons the movie or watch a game? I so need to be out now and start reading. hahahahha I wish everything I read would register in my brain. hahhaahahah

The sPeLl of despair

the shadow that dwells inside is seeking thee your love

of solemn harmony, eternal passion and desire.

My soul longs for your smile

of a thousand stars in the night sky.

so mysterious and out of reach.

your memoirs still living in my heart vivid and clear.

like years were only days and months are only seconds.

Someday I will get over this feeling

Someone will replace you in my heart

by then I will sew all my broken and torn pieces

waiting in vain will never be right

but it’s the only thing left in my memory.

words aren’t enough

You’re green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

( my result from a test in tickle… hehehe some of it is true especially the part “For me, success is measured in terms of” personal achievement and growth” if you want to take the same test you can go to this site http://web.tickle.com/color/?testid=1108 hahahha enjoy!)

(another one of my experiments hheheehe… the one below is the original)

this week was really an exhausting one, even if it was only the first examination this year I feel “Brain Drained” even had a migraine after my exams in primary health care (RLE and theory). there are so much stuff I need to do and I still need to study for my Human anatomy and physiology exam. I find it hard to make time for studying at the same time having fun. people in class or so much stressed and pressured considering also the fact that our DEAN is our health ethics professor. although I know that I really am liking my course I still fell the need to find more reasons for studying and aspiring to be a better student than I am right now. It sucks cause it’s not something that you ask for everyday but then It’s hard to find. I feel the need to look for myself deeper, my goals in life, my purpose, my life and many other things that is necessary for me to move on. I’m tired of doing the things that I do everyday, I feel like I have to have a twist in my life, something that would help develop the real me. I don’t know if I wrote all the right stuff in my exams or all my answer and reasoning were right, but I know that I did my best. I didn’t want to study a day before the exam because I want to test myself how much I was listening. If I fail then it would say so much about me and my attitude towards my studies and my goals in life.

my mom always tells me that I should do this and that. that I should be a good student, a good daughter to her and my dad, a good sister to my siblings and of course I faithful servant of the almighty. and now I feel the pressure. There are so many things that they depend on me, like if I graduate in this course I would be the first one to be a “college graduate” in our family and because of the profession I took I might even give a better life for my family. If I graduate they would be so much proud of me that they might even consider giving me a new cellphone (in my dreams!). another thing is that my parents aren’t the only one paying for my fees, my relatives have a big part in it and one of the hardest part is satisfying them with my grades and all hat “school thingy”. One of the hardest thing that I ever hears was that of my grandfather’s (my mom’s dad) when he said:

” sige pagaaralin kita ng college pero fourth year na, baka masayang lang at magaya ka sa mommy mo. baka hindi ka rin makapagtapos.”

that really struck me and made my heart numb for a while, since I love my lolo so much and he’s one of the reasons why I considered taking my course. you know the feeling when you wanna cry but tears won’t flow from your eyes and it hurts to much that you wanna scream your lungs out but you can’t say a single word because your afraid to hurt the people you love….

I feel the pressure but my inner “me” doesn’t know what to do about it, I’m struggling to free myself from the chains of the past and the problems that I have so I can be able to live “my way”.

right now while I’m listening to the song in my brother’s play list It reminds me of the times I’m with my dad, you see he always had his guitar with him if he’s not cooking sumptuous food or holding a paintbrush or a pencil to draw. He’s one of the few men I admired so much when it comes to making people laugh, he always had this “enthusiasm” to make other’s happy in spite of the pain and troubles he had… he never fails to smile once in a while.

I feel so empty inside but I don’t want others to see it and bother to help me, because I don’t want to waster their time in some stupid non-sense. I’m selfish when it comes to showing my feelings and even more when I try to hide it. geesh… I think I’m in a stage of self-pity and the bad thing about it is that nobody know except me myself and I. I try to show people how happy I am everyday, as if problems, troubles and other hideous words doesn’t exist in my dictionary, just total happiness, smiles and laughter filled my world.

La verdad dulce de está solo

Usted nunca sabrá que el significado verdadero de la felicidad de está solo a menos que usted, usted mismo ose ser un SOLITARIO

( this is my first edited photo hahah… my first try sa photoshop.)

I have been busy these past few days (almost) with my studies. so many things to do but to little time to do it and its almost impossible to do it on time without help from a friend. It has been a year since I entered college in the falcon’s nest and I’ve been productive… somehow. Earlier this day I was walking in the “walk-way” on my way home, and I just realized that If I had gone to another school I never would have known my friends. hahahaaha.. My friends at school are really “way fun to be with” I can be myself when I’m with them, make silly faces, talk about silly stuff and just be together studying… most of the time. hahahahaha… I can even tell them bout my crazy dream of the man of my dreams. Speaking of man, I’m having trouble trusting other people again, and I’m getting confused if I really have feelings for that someone.. or I’m still stuck in my past, thought I know I’m tired of waiting, I think I’m getting used to it… waiting for nothing.

well maybe that’s it for now cause I need to get down the brass tacks and start doing my Homework … heheheh… ciao!