A lost too great to handle

For the Man I will always love

one morning when he was looking on the backyard we saw him and asked him to pose for a picture. I taught him how to pose like that a day before.

It was late in the afternoon, I was on duty in a hospital in Quezon city when I received a message from my father saying that my grandfather had difficulty breathing. I was alarmed but I never thought that that would be the start of the end.  I was too preoccupied with school that I forgot to check on him, 3 days after, when I called them (lola and him), I heard his voice and I knew then that he had a stroke. A sudden burst of mixed emotion filled me, hate, worry, guilt and a lot more I cannot understand. When I dropped the call to my lola, I immediately called my sister and we planned on putting lolo to a hospital in Bataan first thing in the morning. My sister gave me the task to call my grandmother first thing in the morning, before I even take the mock board exam at school. I did was I was told to do, only it was hours late, he already left. for good.

I now live in regret knowing that I should’ve done something, if I did, he would probably be there in Bataan wearing his favorite dilapitated pants, socks, a sando with polo to complete the attire. He probably would be eating nagaraya or banana while watching his favorite telanovela. I miss him so badly, I couldn’t accept the fact that he’s gone. I still hope that when I visit in bataan he would be there with lola, that I would hug someone who haven’t had a bath for weeks but still smell great. I still hope that he would be there to share his stories during war or he would be arguing with lola about the real story of how they met. I still hope that he would be there offering me soft drinks or anything I would like to eat. I still hope that I could have someone I would be annoyed at for not taking his medicines properly. But I have to face reality, and accept the fact that he’s gone and that the only thing that would be there when I visit are his ashes.

He celebrated his 80th birthday last June 30, 2009, and I can still remember that we all went to Bataan (where both he and my grandmother lives) . I wish I could’ve told him how much I love him, now its too late.

In memory of Lucino Roxas Faylona, the greatest man I have ever known.