Loving in silence

as the bright little chrsitmas lights paint the town, the cold winds embraces me as if consoling my broken soul, the season for giving and loving is becoming the hardest season to be in. I wish it would end. I wish I could neglect its coming.

a week ago I was totaly delighted by the fact that the most awaited time of the year is finally coming, Christmas. at that time cupids arrow still has its effect on me, and I really think it was a bullseye, at an instant I suddenly realized I was feeling something different, something I wasn’t feeling for a long time, at least that was what I thought. I was always happy everytime I wake up in the morning, thinking that I could see his face everytime I go to the University, I can talk to him, see his smile, laugh at his korny jokes, tease him “payatot” and stuff like that just to be able to be near him. But then destiny would always play it tricks on me, and test my courage when it came to falling in love.

Today I find myself trapped in uncertainty, the feeling of a never ending search for someone I don’t even know. the need to be recognized by someone who doesn’t even I know that I exist. I tried to conquer my fear by sending him a letter that would probably let him get the right message, it’s not a sin to be poetic sometimes, but like any other thing in life, the saddest reality is that you can’t have everything you want, specially not just anyone. So now, I will love him in silence, in my thoughts I’ll remember his words, in my dreams I see the smile on his face.

I will take refuge in the thought that there are more than 5 billion men in the world and that one of them, was made to smile just for me.

so what I should do now is WAIT. as what kuya chino said: ” may dadating naman na someone who will love you as you love him”

kasi naman eh, why do people have to love someone, when they spent almost half of their life loving only their parents, pets and the things around them. why do they have to find someone that would have the ability to hurt them ?

on the 14th day of december….

every friday my day usually starts at 1pm but today is another story. I had to wake up really early, like 6 in the morning just to pass a paper in microbiology that I failed to pass the other day. I went to skull at almost 8 in the morning to find my other blockmates in the same scenario, they failed to pass the Microbio exercise. we ended up in the library to study our notes after accomplishing our early morning task, and found our group increasing in numbers as the time passed. I ate lunch together with my other blockamates and then went to our meeting, only to find out I was too early to be in the meeting place. I went to OSA and found that my co-writer is sitting comfortly inside, in my curiosity I entered and right then and there I was chosen as the representative of our college in the pictorial for the student manual. talk about being lucky, I looked around and found myself surrounded by beautiful people and felt like I don’t belong. But something in me told me not to get out of the situation because I’ want to be in that place, in short, I got my picture taken with the other students from other colleges.

it may be my lucky day but the battle hasn’t really started yet… PRELIMS was still there to haunt me.

today is another brain-cell-cidal for me and my blockamates, we were suppose to have 3 consecutive exams, good thing one of the prof told us that she doesn’t have time to make one, so we had to make a short skit instead. I walked home because I unfortunately run out of money. thought it was nothing unusual for me because my school is not that far from the house, still I feel exhausted and drained. when I arrived home I found ate kitch (my brother’s fiance) and learned that she was there for a surpise for kuya’s advance birthday celebration. we went to RP and bought him a cake. when we arrived home he was not there although he already texted ate kitch that he just got home. all the while we thought that he was joking then we realized that his bag was in his room and he suddenly entered the house. I had to push him out of the house so that we can light the candles for the cake. ok, so to cut the story short, he blew the candles, ate dinner and I got stuck here in the computer.

Funny how everyday reality teaches you a lesson, the street shows you the right sign and path to take, your memory tries to remember them all, but then sometimes little brainy can’t comprehend. Songs make you feel something that can’t be said or done, because actions may diminish their meaning. The Eyes reveal a vital emotion coming fromthe heart that only that special someone can see…

scribbled thoughts

(listening to joshua radin’s “the fear you won’t fall”)

this is literally NEEEEERVE WRACKING! dunno what to feel anymore, you know the feeling that you’ve been preparing for one examination that is SO important and you know that you have enough knowledge but then you’re nervous because you think that things may not go as you think it will? geessh! don’t know what to do anymore, for a couple of weeks I’ve been tryin to review bit by bit, with the help of my tita one of my blockmate that lend me their reviewer.  I still have to finish my article but then I can’t because I’m still thinking of what will happen tomorrow in my Nursing Aptitude Test.

making this entry make me feel a bit less nervous, I just hope I wake up in the right time tomorrow.

WWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!