The Last sunset

Releasing herself from the arms of Morpheus she woke up at the sound of alarm coming from her cell phone. Half thankful for being alive, she goes to the living room to open the capiz window overlooking the street below, the wind brushed into his face the sun warmed her body like an embrace the morning was perfect then she suddenly broke down into tears.  The emotions were still strong like a perfume that never leaves her skin, it would stink for a while but she couldn’t do anything, she hated herself for being so stupid when it comes to the four letter word. A poignant masochist she was, for even though remembering him slowly killed her she still plunged into the sentiment to the times when she felt secure yet blinded by her longing to have someone.

She could never put into words the happiness she felt when she met him, it was love at first sight. After years of isolating herself from the world she knew, she took the risk thinking it was all worth it, that he wouldn’t dare break her heart. She did everything she could to make it work, had him meet her family and friends, even blurted out her true feelings way too early believing that all these things would make him stay. But then like any other fake love story he grew cold and the next she knew he was back with his past lover without saying a word to her.

While she bathes herself of vivid memories they had together her crying continued and at that moment she wished it was all just a nightmare and soon she would wake up. As she went on with the day she managed to torture herself by connecting everything to him, helpless she let the agony remain till she became numb and once more her tum-tum was hard as stone. Before the day ended, she went to a place where she had a perfect view of the dusk a high place where she could see everything below, there she had her resolve not to make the same mistake again and not let another squire tell her the same lies that made her world crumble down.

The TRUTH hurts. a lot.

When you start to trust again, you realize that you’ve been so damned  not to trust for a very long time. But when that trust gets broken and you learn the truth it hurts and you remember the reason why you’ve been keeping that trust within yourself, why you keep yourself from loving someone too much. I used to say truth sets everything right,  honestly I barely tell a lie when it only concerns me, because I believe that that’s where evil starts to creep your soul and eat you up. Now I learn that along with that comes the pain of knowing that someone you love so much has taken advantage of that trust and kept you a fool longer than you imagined. What’s worst is that the truth didn’t come from the horse’s mouth but from his friend. I’m confused, am I not good enough for him or for anyone I love? Now I’m doubting that my friends are telling me the truth, because they always say that the person I would love is gonna be lucky to have me. no one appreciates the small stuff I do for them, why do I have to feel this pain? Is this a curse that I have to handle? that no one would take me seriously because I’m such a crybaby and emo girl with a lot of stuff going on her mind.  The pain I feel is too much to be described, no words can say how much pain, anger, sadness and mistrust I feel right now. Truth is always good but one has to be prepared for the agony it brings for with it comes the reality that you’re not good enough.